


Cool

by MaeTaurus



Series: Blue Neighborhood [8]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012 Era (Phandom), Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-12 06:32:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16867909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeTaurus/pseuds/MaeTaurus
Summary: December 31, 2012. Dan takes a look back on the last year.





	Cool

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Troye Sivan's song, Cool, from his album, Blue Neighborhood.
> 
> Originally posted to Tumblr on December 31, 2016.

Dan was in the kitchen sorting out snacks for the party. He called it a party but really he and Phil were just having a few friends over to ring in the New Year together. Nevertheless, they’d gone all out. They’d spent all day putting up streamers and balloons in the lounge and now Dan was pouring crisps into big bowls to make everything look more festive and fun.

“You almost done? Pj said they’re almost here!” Phil called from the lounge where he was getting out some of their favorite board games and films.

“Yeah! Just one more bag!” Dan called back. He finished filling the last bowl then carried two of the bowls into the lounge. He sat them on the table and noticed Phil had covered the table in confetti. “You’re cleaning that up tomorrow,” Dan insisted, annoyance clear in his voice.

Phil looked up to see what Dan was talking about. “Oh, um yeah of course,” he mumbled. He’d thought it was a nice touch but clearly Dan didn’t agree.

Dan felt bad when he saw Phil’s slight frown. He realized he hadn’t seen Phil’s real smile in a while, in months probably. He sighed and went back to the kitchen to bring out the other bowls of crisps, smaller bowls of candy, and of course a variety of beverages, alcoholic and non.

“I’ll get it,” Phil said when the buzzer to the door went off, indicating that Pj and Sophie had arrived.

Dan nodded but he didn’t know if Phil had even seen. He felt bad because he knew he hadn’t been very nice to Phil lately. Things had been tense for a while and Dan knew it was all his fault. He wanted to fix things, he just didn’t know how. Before he could think too much about it, Phil walked back in with Pj and Sophie in tow.

“Hey,” Dan said with a slightly forced smile, going over and hugging his friends. He was glad to see them but he couldn’t help but notice Phil was even happier to see them, like he was relieved to have someone else there.

“The place looks great,” Pj said with a grin, looking around at all the decorations.

Phil smiled at him, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Thanks, it was my idea but Dan helped. There’s snacks and drinks on the table and I got out some board games and films.”

Dan watched Phil give the couple a mini tour of the lounge. He felt guilty that Phil had been feeling so down lately. He was sad that Phil couldn’t even manage a proper smile, not even around their best friends.

With it being New Year’s Eve, naturally Dan was thinking about this last year and how it had been. And if he was honest with himself, it’d been pretty shit. Sure there had been great moments like moving to London with Phil, winning Supernote, and being offered a job at BBC Radio 1 that they were starting next month. But Dan had tried so hard to be his own person, to break away from Phil a bit so he could be acknowledged as his own individual person and YouTuber, and not just be known as the guy that lived with AmazingPhil. Getting a job as co-host on the radio with Phil probably wasn’t going to help that though.

He sighed as he poured himself a glass of wine and sipped it. He wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. He had so much fun filming with Phil all the time and going to events with him but Dan also wanted to be known as more than Phil’s best friend.

As the night went on, Dan thought about it more and more. He thought about how he’d been trying so hard this year to distance himself from Phil online, how somehow the lines between their online relationship and real life relationship had been blurred, and he’d ended up pushing Phil away in all aspects of his life without realizing it or meaning to. No wonder Phil wasn’t happy.

Dan waited until they all started watching a film then leaned over to Phil. “Can I talk to you in the kitchen?” he whispered.

Phil nodded and got up, following Dan into the other room without a second thought. “What’s up?” he asked when Dan closed the glass door behind them.

“I’m sorry for treating you like shit.”

“You- what?” Phil asked, not sure if he’d heard Dan correctly.

“No, I need to say all of this now before I lose my nerve,” Dan said, holding up his hand to silence Phil. He probably wouldn’t be doing this now but he’d had two glasses of wine already and was halfway through his third.

Phil just nodded and closed his mouth to let Dan speak.

Dan offered him a small smile in thanks before continuing. “I’ve treated you like complete shit this year. I wanted to be seen as my own YouTuber so I tried to distance myself from you online. But I ended up pushing you away altogether and that’s not what I wanted to do. I said some really crap things about you and about us on my liveshows and I’m sorry. I don’t want people to know about us yet but I think I need to stop trying so hard to make sure nobody finds out because if things keep going the way they are, there won’t be anything for them to find out about.” He paused to take a few deep breaths and regain his composure. Just thinking of the possibility of him and Phil breaking up was enough to bring him to tears.

Phil reached out and held Dan’s hand, a small gesture to comfort Dan. He wanted to speak but he knew Dan wasn’t finished so he stayed silent while Dan composed himself.

“Thanks,” Dan whispered, holding Phil’s hand tighter. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know I’ve been awful to you lately and it’s not fair. I don’t want to go into 2013 with our relationship being rocky and unstable like it is now. I want us to be okay again. I want us to be us.” He looked up at Phil and noticed Phil was crying. Dan reached up and gently used his thumb to brush away his tears. “I’m so sorry for everything. For the things I’ve said, for how I’ve acted, for everything. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

More tears took place of the ones Dan brushed away. Phil closed his eyes and took some shaky breaths. “Thank you for saying that,” he whispered. He opened his eyes to look at Dan. “I’m so happy you finally realized everything.”

“Me too. I just hope I’m not too late,” Dan whispered.

Phil shook his head. He put his hands on Dan’s hips and pulled him close. “You’re not,” he murmured. “You’re not too late.” He leaned forwards and kissed Dan softly. It had been far too long for his liking since they’d kissed like this, gentle and loving.

Dan stepped into Phil’s arms, kissing him back. They stayed like that for a few minutes, only breaking apart a few times to catch their breath quickly before kissing again. Eventually Dan took a step back. “Come on, let’s go back out there and ring in the New Year together.”

Phil smiled, and this time it reached his eyes. He nodded and walked with Dan back out to the lounge, wiping his tears away on his sleeve.

“Perfect timing, we’re all sharing our New Year’s resolutions,” Pj said when Dan and Phil walked in. “Dan, it’s your go.”

He smiled and put his arm around Phil. “My New Year’s resolution is to be a better boyfriend,” Dan said. He looked over at Phil, love and fondness radiating off of him.

Phil opened his mouth to say his resolution but was interrupted.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year!” they all said in unision, Dan and Phil joining in.

Dan turned toward Phil and grabbed his face between both of his hands, kissing him hard as the clock struck midnight.

Phil responded by wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist and pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed together, kissing Dan back with just as much energy and enthusiasm.

“I love you,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s lips, ignoring his friends who were whistling and cheering.

Phil giggled and rested his forehead against Dan’s. “I love you too, bear.”


End file.
